Canned Tuna

There’s something oddly specific I find deeply hypocritical about the current state of the conflict with Iran. I am aware the whole crisis bleeds hypocrisy. You could say Trumps actions contrasted with running on the “No New Wars” And “America First” slogans are now seen as a grand betrayal of republican base. But there’s an element here I find exposes the true face, one that is unjust and predatory, of our current global hegemonic superpower. A face that goes far deeper than Trump, who is just its most recent and ugly iteration.

Let me just preface this by saying I am in no means in support of a regime that mows down thousands of its own people, in an unwillingness to change or relax their rigid religious dogma. However, I can’t for a second bring myself to believe the establishment hawks when they say Tehran was weeks away from launching a surprise nuclear attack.

Iran was a struggling economy before this war, marred by hyperinflation and a rapidly growing population. It certainly had its enemies in the region but it certainly had its own problems too. Striking out in such a way would mean certain death for its approximate 90 million people. It would have been suicide in every single way. The necessity in which both The White House and the Knesset talk about the need to obliterate Iran’s nuclear capabilities is a fabrication. What they really meant by that is they don’t actually want to deal with Iran in good faith negotiation.

If Iran created a hypersonic nuclear weapon capable of striking mainland united states the game would be over. The world would have to sit down and have a proper talk about what the US has been doing in the middle east over the past 50 years. The ability to use the region as a neoconservative wet dream would dissipate and they have to pick some other poor region to destabilise and exploit. So instead of pursing diplomatic outreach, they let Israel drag them into a conflict with zero clearly defined goals, no clear end, that seems to be entirely dictated by expansionist Zionists with the blood of tens of thousands already on their hands and an eschatological agenda.

The whole thing is so fucking stupid. The Israelis are getting what they want, but for the rest of the world it is an utterly pointless waste of human life, that makes living harder everywhere in our interconnected global economy. The current pentagon zeitgeist of moronic detachment to reality is crystallised in Pete Hegseth, that drunk fox news anchor that now finds himself in charge of the most advanced fighting force on the planet. I wonder how many hours it took him to come up with ‘Operation Epic Fury’ and how he felt afterwards. Did he smile at himself in the mirror before throwing a fist in the air and shouting “fuck yeh” then downing a bottle or jack. Did he run down to the playground and tell his friends about epic fury while dribbling on his trousers and playing with his army men. To stand in front of a live audience and talk about reigning down death and destruction on the Iranian people with glee like a petulant maladjusted child created a horrible sinking feeling in my gut. A feeling that the world is getting much worse and care for one another is fading.

I spent yesterday lachrymose, but today I was incensed. Pete was giving yet another press conference on how well everything was going. How they’re completely in control. No one in the room looked like they believed it. He was asked a question by a young reporter about Iran’s targeting of Israeli military sites, and how there is speculation Iran is going after Israels super-secret stock pile of nuclear weapons. Pete deflected, changed topic and continued to talk about U.S. air superiority. This lack of information peaked my interest and led me to google, which in turn leads me to my point. No one is talking about Israels nuclear weapons facility. The western media softly mentions munitions landed close by to an “important Israeli nuclear research facility” but what does that really mean. It’s been an open secret the Israelis have the bomb, and are speculated to have upwards of 70 functional weapons. Why is the media playing coy with this fact. And more importantly why is Israel allowed to do this in the first place. They maintain a policy of “nuclear ambiguity” neither confirming nor denying the existence of such weapons, that has allowed them to avoid signing the nuclear non-proliferation treaty, meaning no checks from international atomic regulators, no blockage of aid and military funding from the US, and the ability to operate completely without oversight.

They claim Iran to be led by fundamentalist religious zealots, but they’re shooting missiles in a glass house. Their own rabbis and members of parliament are openly calling for Armageddon and the fulfilment of religious prophecy, fuelling a feverish bloodlust that’s cascaded and spread through to the Christian Zionist ranks of the United states. Over 200 US troops complained that their direct superiors were telling them they were now in “a religious war” and a “battle for good and evil for the soul of mankind”. WHAT THE FUCK. What is that?

America is now retarded. Why is it still trying to execute Henry Kissinger, Dick Cheney style conflicts. Is it that ingrained in American psyche that this is just the norm now? Forever wars, trillions of debt, buckle up cowboy and yee haw? But if you’re gonna be evil you gotta be smart and none of this is smart. Its wearing its dunce hat on its rotten face, with a dramatic inability to see friend from foe. Do they really think Israel cares about the welfare of Americans. Despite their history and strategic value is it even really in American interests to support a genocidal ethnostate. Who knows, the commander in chief certainly doesn’t.

Trump, the senile dried apricot, finally seems to have found out what happens when an unstoppable force collides with an immovable object. Whether this has happened due to his new found belief he was saved by god on the campaign trail, or whether Bibi is blackmailing him with some nasty stuff old mate Jeffery collected for him we will never know. But he will send boots into Iran and the blood will flow. There is no good way to invade a place surrounded by mountains, especially when they’ve been preparing for this for decades. The structure of the Iranian Revolutionary Guard dictates that regional guerrilla cells keep fighting in the event of a leadership decapitation strike, so even if this coalition of the apocalypse assassinates from the sky everyone that could possibly be in a position to lead the country and negotiate, the fighting will continue, and thousands of Americans will die.

Energy will be cut off from supply chains, the world will change, and there is a small but still disgustingly high chance that we will all die in either white light, fires, radiation sickness, food shortages, or a very long winter.

But its okay. I’m turning off the news now. This is the last time I’ll write about this. I’m zoning out to focus on the smiles of the people I meet instead, that know a lot less about Iran, yet have the same inability to do anything as me. I’m going to be dumb and numb tomorrow and maybe listen to the new James Blake album. Maybe I’ll make a new friend in my new job or smoke a cigarette again. But maybe I’ll go shopping and buy a few extra cans of tuna. After two months most people starve to death and food production gets a little more sustainable. I’m not crazy, just think of the cost to reward ratio.

It’s good to have two months of tuna.

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The Temu Apocalypse